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Artemus Ward


  • Draw your salary before spending it.

  • I can't sing. As a singist I am not a success. I am saddest when I sing. So are those who hear me. They are sadder even than I am.

  • I'm not a politician and my other habits are good.

  • It's not so much what folks don't know that causes problems; it's what they do know that ain't so.

  • Let us all be happy, and live within our means, even if we have to borrow the money to do it with.

  • My wife is one of the best wimin on this Continent, altho' she isn't always gentle as a lamb with mint sauce.

  • When a fellow says it ain't the money but the principle of the thing, it's the money.

  • Why don't you show us a statesman who can rise up to the emergency, and cave in the emergency's head.

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