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Current counts: Authors: 8,146. Quotations: 38,970
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| David Letterman
And now the really difficult part: We have to rebuild Iraq into a strong and independent nation that will one day hate the United States. Charlton Heston admitted he had a drinking problem, and I said to myself, Thank God this guy doesn't own any guns! Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it? Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television. He's a ruthless dictator but he also thinks he's a playwright. Saddam wrote a play called 'Zabiba and the King' ... attendance has dropped off since Nathan Lane has left the show. I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious. New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move. Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger. People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine. President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind? Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache? This woman has been married so many times, she suffers from bouquet elbow.Today is a big day in TV history. On this day forty-one years ago, the Beverly Hillbillies aired for the first time right here on CBS. They took a little break, then in 1992, they moved into the White House for eight years. We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets. We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since this guy has gotten laid in the private sector. Yesterday the Iraqis and U.S. troops pulled down a giant statue of Saddam Hussein. They pull it down and it lands right on top of Geraldo. |
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