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Current counts: Authors: 8,146. Quotations: 38,970
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| Groucho Marx
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. A man is only as old as the woman he feels. A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough. Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. (from the movie, A Day At The Races) From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks. I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. I must confess, I was born at a very early age. I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it. I've had a perfectly wonderful evening--but this wasn't it. Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money. Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does. Room service? Send up a larger room. She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.There is only one way to find out if a man is honest: ask him. If he says yes, you know he is crooked.Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it. Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse. |
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