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Ring Lardner


  • A good many young writers make the mistake of enclosing a stamped, self-addressed envelope, big enough for the manuscript to come back in. This is too much of a temptation to the editor.

  • An optimist is a girl who mistakes a bulge for a curve.

  • Gratitude is merely the secret hope of further favors.

  • He give her a look that you could of poured on a waffle.

  • He looked at me as if I were a side dish he hadn't ordered.

  • He's been that way for years – a born questioner but he hates answers.

  • I've known what it is to be hungry, but I always went right to a restaurant.

  • Midge Kelly scored his first knockout when he was seventeen. The knockee was his brother Connie, three years his junior and a cripple.

  • No one, ever, wrote anything as well even after one drink as he would have done with out it.

  • Preserving health by too severe a rule is a worrisome malady.

  • Shut up he explained.

  • The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have..

  • They gave each other a smile with a future in it.

  • They [wives] are people who think when the telephone bell rings, it is against the law not to answer it.

  • This story is slightly immoral, but so, I guess, are stories based on truth.

  • We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears.

  • Where do they get that stuff about me being a satirist? I just listen.

  • Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?

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