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Current counts: Authors: 8,146. Quotations: 38,970
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| Rita Rudner
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times. I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album. I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962. I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose. I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with? Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke? My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping. My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head. My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow. Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, Look, it's always gonna be me! To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior. When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?' |
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