The quotations are arranged by author name. Current counts: Authors: 8,146. Quotations: 38,970 Select the first character of the author's last name that you want to look at: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

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Robert Benchley

b: Worcester, Massachusetts, Sep 15, 1889

d: New York, New York, Nov 21, 1945

American. Author. Wrote Chips Off the Old Benchley, 1949; won Oscaar, 1935, for How to Sleep.

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"An ardent supporter of the home town team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens."

"One of the chief duties of the fan is to engage in arguments with the man behind him. This department has been allowed to run down fearfully."

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.

As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.

Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.

For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting.

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.

Most of the arguments to which I am a party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.

The biggest obstacle to professional writing is the necessity for changing a typewriter ribbon.

The free-lance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?