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Robert Orben


  • A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

  • Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

  • Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

  • Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.

  • Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

  • Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

  • Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.

  • To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

  • Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.

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